Everything Happens for a Reason

It's been a while since I posted to my blog. Life has been extremely busy, so I'm gonna get caught up now, before I get busy working on some more stuff to finish out this extremely busy month!

I am not a religious person. I believe in God and I believe in the power of prayer. I have my other spiritual beliefs as well, but I'm not here to discuss religion, other than I believe that God has a plan and a purpose for things that happen in our lives. Everything happens for a reason; sometimes it takes a long time for us to see what that reason is, if we ever really get to.

I've had a lot of things happen in my short 30 years on Earth. And I'm dealing with a lot of them now. I spoke with an older relative today who told me if anyone deserved a mental breakdown, I definitely do. I'm living a life of events that cause major depression in many people. I took an online "Life Stress Score" and my score was 488. The section I'm in is for 300 and above..."High susceptibility to stress-related illness. Daily practice of relaxation skills is very important for your wellness. Take care of it now before a serious illness erupts or an affliction becomes worse." Surprise, surprise!

But I also know that everything happens for a reason. I'm here for a reason that God put me here to deal with these issues now. And to possibly mend the relationship with my mother that has suffered because of a selfish act she commited 16 years ago. And the goal is to do all this without being resentful. Somedays I'm angry because I am my mother's "person" right now. I'm the one who takes her to all of her appointments, gets her medicines filled, and calls to make sure her insurance information has been updated on the massive pile of bills. I have to be strong for her after years of her choosing selfishly to not put my sister or me first in her life. It's been hard because she is a good person. She worked as a CNA for many years, caring for strangers, but I was also devestated that these strangers received more care and concern than me or my sister did from her. A good friend of mine told me that I am here to do this, to be her "person", so that MY daughter will see what it means to forgive and to see how love is supposed to be. Maybe this is happening so I learn how to forgive.

I'm also in contact with someone now who has not been in my life for the past 17 years. It's a great friendship and we are here for each other as we go through different but similar issues in our lives. That connection we had when we were 13 years old is still here. As everyone says, if it's meant to be it will be and everything happens for a reason. It's not a situation I want to involve myself in as more than a friend at this time, but I will say a beautiful friendship is growing. We've even had disagreements that did not become heated arguments. That's pretty good for me. Maybe the reason this is happening is for me to learn patience.

After 10 long months of questioning myself for leaving my husband I recently realized that it has led me to where I am right now. And as everything happens for a reason, it is much easier to accept and realize that that part of my life is over. And that finally, I no longer wish and hope to have it back. Finally, we are able to work together as co-parents of our daughter instead of battling each other over every little thing. Letting go of that relationship and that love that I had has released me to move forward with less anger. Ten months ago, I never thought I would get to this place, but now that I'm here, looking back on the last 10 months, I know that they happened for a reason.

The reason everything happens is often not clear to us as we're going through our journeys of life. I think sometimes you have to take a step back from your own life and look at it through someone else's perspective. There is always a reason. Finding the reason behind it all can make the hard knocks of life easier to deal with. I don't know if my "reasonings" are the same reasons in God's design, but I'm able to better manage the roller coaster of my own life. While still smiling.

Loving my life,
Kat