With love, I accept this journey

It's amazing how one word can turn your life upside down. As I've embarked on my journey to becoming my very best this year, I am faced with another new challenge. This morning, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. We don't know details yet as to what kind or even how bad, but I know it's bad. There are tumors in her lymph nodes, a lung, and her back which means it has spread from an original source. It's terrifying and a true kick in the gut for our entire family. And it's a nightmare come true for my mother as she has seen many people at the end stages of cancer, and held their hands or that of their families as the cancer took their loved one.

See my mom is a CNA in a nursing home. It's been her job for over 20 years to care for people, older people, who are near the end stages of their lives. She provides care and love to the residents and their families. And she does her job well! The residents and their families become extended families of hers, thus extended families of mine and my sister's as well.

Two weeks ago, my dad's life was saved by an ER doctor at Cox when an ulcer was bleeding. After 8 pints of blood and a blood-stopping endoscopy treatment, he is home and still recovering. Two weeks to the day that my dad was there, now it's my mom. Simple leg pain that we hadn't been able to find answers as to why it was there. The diagnosis is nothing that we expected but nothing we can't handle either.

I've seen the outpouring of love and support from my friends on Facebook, and from countless people who don't even know me or my family. And for that I can't be more grateful. But my journey to the best me in 2010, to find my Perfect '10 has just gotten turned on it's nose and will challenge everything within me.

I am not the strong one I appear to be. I'm the baby. I'm the one that cries at everything and can't even have a "discussion" without getting emotional. I'm not built that way. I've learned a lot through my journey to find myself again, but I'm not there yet. And I'm scared. And I have to be strong because I get the emotional side of me from my mom. If I'm not strong, she will see that. And she needs my support. She needs to stop being the one taking care of everybody else.

I've made my mom one promise that I intend to keep. My mother loves her hair and the possibilities of losing it to treatments upsets her. I promised my mom that if she loses her hair that I will lose mine as well. That is the one part of her journey that she doesn't have to ever feel alone in. I told her that if that's what it comes to then we will celebrate with having photos done together in our naked heads. The smile on her face radiated from her heart.

For the past 8 months, I have diligently searched for a job. I have been angry and upset and discouraged by not getting hired for one I've interviewed for or for ones that I was never called for an interview when I've been well qualified for the jobs. Now I know why. God has a purpose for everything. This is only a small part of my purpose of the things I've been through over the last 8 months to get me in this place to provide support, encouragement, and loving hand to my mom. I'm needed here. God knows that.

With patience, I will be understanding. With my own support systems in place, I will be strong. With love, I accept this journey.

Kathy