The Weight of the Matter

I will never be skinny. I wasn't blessed with good genes for ripped abs and tight muscles. I have a flat wide butt that isn't really gonna get much smaller because I've got very womanly hips. I don't want to be skinny. Curvy with less fat is my goal now, especially the belly fat.

When I was 12 and puberty struck, I was horrified by the little belly pudge that I started to get. I was embarrassed by it. When high school started, I weighed 152 pounds but gained over 30 pounds in one summer of lifting weights for volleyball. I thought people only saw the fat and didn't see the fact that I could vertically lift 220 pounds with just my legs.

When I started college, the freshman 15 became the college 40 for me. Then marriage and pregnancy brought on the additional 20 pounds. I weighed 242 pounds in January of 2009. I started at the gym and lost 15 pounds in 3 months. I watched what I ate, even measured my food. I did great for 3 months, until life threw a curveball and I left my husband for a week for the first time. When I went back, I was more worried about getting my marriage on track than I was about my health and losing the weight. Afterall, he had married me at 220. In September, I left him permanently. I was still hovering around 225 pounds.

Through encouragement of the SHMC, I've started running. I'm working on making better food choices. I'm not perfect and sometimes it just doesn't go my way. I'm a stress eater (and smoker, at least until my quit date). But the weight is coming off.

When I started my journey this year, I weighed around 225. I have a lofty goal of losing 73 pounds to put me at my lowest weight I ever remember weighing - 152. It's a slow progress for me. And some weeks I gain back what I've lost depending on what's going on in my life. Now, I have 64 pounds to go. I managed my weight down to 216.2 pounds in the last 3 weeks, since weighing in at 224.6 pounds. My pants are so loose, I can pull down almost every pair I have without unbuttoning them. Even my underwear fall down, especially when I run. Shirts are less tight around my chest. Sadly, my boobs are going quickly. But when I look down, I see my boobs, not my boobs and belly so that's a plus even if my boobs are shrinking at an incredible rate.

I'm happy. I'm proud of myself. I'm running the weight off and running toward new goals. My first "sticky goal" will be moved very soon. Only 1.2 pounds to go to my first manageable sticky goal. Boy am I excited. Next will be the sticky goal to put me under the 200's. A place I haven't been in a long time. My second 5K is tomorrow and I've already made a list of 5Ks and a 10K that I get to do this summer. My friends are involved with my life change. And I've made some fabulous new friends in the process too who are all improving their lives as well.

It's not just weight that I'm losing, but a frame of mind that I don't deserve the best for myself and my daughter as well. I'm gaining self-respect, self-confidence, and much needed self-love. The weight isn't the matter, it's the inside that is.

I'm not there yet, but I will be...